Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Dear Red Rock
Dear Red Rock,
Saturday October 17th was suppose to be the most amazing day of my life. And well it 'twas. But it started out shitty. So we go to check in around 245 our check in is at 3 we just wanted to get the party started early.. so we get everything situated. we even went to lees discount booze. then 330 rolls around and i STILL have not recieved a call from you saying our room was ready so i was pretty angry. then around 345 - 350 ish we get the call. we go up to the room where there are no strawberries and champange im even more heated. so we drink the beer we brought. it was sam adams cherry wheat which on my beer scale it get like 10 stars but whatev. the girls and i finally decide that we should go bowling. we go we are on like our 3rd beer each. we bowl it finally starts setting in. the man in the lane next to us is bowling with his kids and some of the kids friends. he decides to buy me and darlene shots (amy was a pussy) so we have vodka with a beer back. baaaaad choice. so we get done bowling then we get food and go back to the room where we meet cass tony and dillon. more beer and now champange. my brother arrives. we leave the room and go down to lucky bar where i was suppose to have a table reserved but those assholes didnt. so i bitch and moan to the bouncer in there and tell him how horrible of an experience this is and how im going to shank someone. so he then tells me how sorry he is and the next round is on him. so now im happy again. everyone starts showing up to lucky bar. and well im pretty drunk at this point but just the loud and obnoxious(sp) drunk. so we are all just hanging out in there until bryan comes to us and says that it is time to go to cherry. i throw my shoes on and take off walking to cherry. This is what i can remember from cherry: everyone sat down i headed right for the pole danced got 10 bucks, fell off the little stage, was called bday girl by every person in there, drank a vodka pineapple, did about 3 wet pussy shots(while at lucky bar i did about 4 lemon drops but we wont discuss), lost the room key accused the lady in the bathroom that she took my key, fell in the middle of the dance floor, spilled my drink all over the seamen(there was a navy bash or something going on) some dude helps me off the floor and back to the table, the bouncer is there telling me i have to go, i get kicked out of cherry for noodle legs and indecent exposure(sp) assholes. so as im getting escorted out im getting yelled at for not having my shoes on they tell me its a health code violation i tell them to fuck off and die and i ask them if they want me to break my neck cause i will if i put my shoes back on. i listen put my shoes back on for about 10 steps then take those effing things off. a big thank you to Amy Y. and Darlene for getting me back into the room. the next little while is a blur. i remember puking, then puking all over the bathroom going out and answering the door then going back to puke. then i remember betsy cleaning it up then bryan puking. then me running around with pasties and panties on getting in the tub, swimming in the tub, eating in the tub, and then betsy gets me all dried off puts my clothes on and tries to get me in bed but i rip my jammas off and get right back into the tub. lol im a mermaid. i some how get back into bed amy y. has joined me. i jibber jabber and try and get people back into the room but no one is listening to me i tell you 20 min i mean get your ass to me in 20 min. whatever i pass out. apparently there was a bath tub party that i was NOT invited to. lol jk so now everyone is sleeping i wake up at the ass crack of dawn stumbling out of bed looking around seeing what the damage is but there is none except some random person laying on the couch "i say who the fuck is on the couch?" waking everyone up from slumber. i hear "its travy trav!" i say ok and lay back down still drunker then ever. amy gets up and is in search of water. she is sucessful in finding a water bottle she takes a huge couple of chugs and then all we hear is "IT BURNS IT BURNS, DO NOT DRINK THE WATER". someone had filled up a water bottle full of vodka. and amy drank it. lol i laugh every time i think about amy drinking that vodka filled water bottle. we start cleaning up its like 730am and all i want to do is just be drunk in my bed. i notice(sp) that EVERY single towel in the place has been used. as well as all the robes. the little boxes of toliettries are sprawled out across the room. i find the toothbrush one and use it. i had some kickin breath as you could bet. i go down to check out and the lady asks me how my stay was. i say to her "well mam its 730 and im still fuckin trashed and i sucessfully was kicked out of cherry and that is a dream of mine." she is giggling and tells me the amount i just hand her all the money and say it is to early to think could you count this out for me? she does and gives me my change and tells me to have a safe trip home. i tell her that i will call her in 10 mins to let her know that i got home safely she laughed again. we leave get in the car me amy trav and darlin. i reak of vodka and booze. we drop trav off. i get home dexter comes with me into my room and lays his toy on the side of me gives me the look of ashton you bitch throw my toy. i throw it never to be seen or heard from for the rest of the day. and this red rock is what you did to me on my 23rd bday and thank you because it was GREAT.
Sorry we used all the towels and robes and that the walls in room 5130 are covered in puke and the empty mini fridge is filled with beer and the sink in the bathroom is full of beer as well and that i got naked and showed everyone my new cool pasties and that i fell in the middle of cherry and spilled my drink all over the navy people cause my legs turned to noodles but you stay classy red rock!!
Indecent Shammered Smashton
ps sorry about all the misspelled words im still having trouble functioning.
Saturday October 17th was suppose to be the most amazing day of my life. And well it 'twas. But it started out shitty. So we go to check in around 245 our check in is at 3 we just wanted to get the party started early.. so we get everything situated. we even went to lees discount booze. then 330 rolls around and i STILL have not recieved a call from you saying our room was ready so i was pretty angry. then around 345 - 350 ish we get the call. we go up to the room where there are no strawberries and champange im even more heated. so we drink the beer we brought. it was sam adams cherry wheat which on my beer scale it get like 10 stars but whatev. the girls and i finally decide that we should go bowling. we go we are on like our 3rd beer each. we bowl it finally starts setting in. the man in the lane next to us is bowling with his kids and some of the kids friends. he decides to buy me and darlene shots (amy was a pussy) so we have vodka with a beer back. baaaaad choice. so we get done bowling then we get food and go back to the room where we meet cass tony and dillon. more beer and now champange. my brother arrives. we leave the room and go down to lucky bar where i was suppose to have a table reserved but those assholes didnt. so i bitch and moan to the bouncer in there and tell him how horrible of an experience this is and how im going to shank someone. so he then tells me how sorry he is and the next round is on him. so now im happy again. everyone starts showing up to lucky bar. and well im pretty drunk at this point but just the loud and obnoxious(sp) drunk. so we are all just hanging out in there until bryan comes to us and says that it is time to go to cherry. i throw my shoes on and take off walking to cherry. This is what i can remember from cherry: everyone sat down i headed right for the pole danced got 10 bucks, fell off the little stage, was called bday girl by every person in there, drank a vodka pineapple, did about 3 wet pussy shots(while at lucky bar i did about 4 lemon drops but we wont discuss), lost the room key accused the lady in the bathroom that she took my key, fell in the middle of the dance floor, spilled my drink all over the seamen(there was a navy bash or something going on) some dude helps me off the floor and back to the table, the bouncer is there telling me i have to go, i get kicked out of cherry for noodle legs and indecent exposure(sp) assholes. so as im getting escorted out im getting yelled at for not having my shoes on they tell me its a health code violation i tell them to fuck off and die and i ask them if they want me to break my neck cause i will if i put my shoes back on. i listen put my shoes back on for about 10 steps then take those effing things off. a big thank you to Amy Y. and Darlene for getting me back into the room. the next little while is a blur. i remember puking, then puking all over the bathroom going out and answering the door then going back to puke. then i remember betsy cleaning it up then bryan puking. then me running around with pasties and panties on getting in the tub, swimming in the tub, eating in the tub, and then betsy gets me all dried off puts my clothes on and tries to get me in bed but i rip my jammas off and get right back into the tub. lol im a mermaid. i some how get back into bed amy y. has joined me. i jibber jabber and try and get people back into the room but no one is listening to me i tell you 20 min i mean get your ass to me in 20 min. whatever i pass out. apparently there was a bath tub party that i was NOT invited to. lol jk so now everyone is sleeping i wake up at the ass crack of dawn stumbling out of bed looking around seeing what the damage is but there is none except some random person laying on the couch "i say who the fuck is on the couch?" waking everyone up from slumber. i hear "its travy trav!" i say ok and lay back down still drunker then ever. amy gets up and is in search of water. she is sucessful in finding a water bottle she takes a huge couple of chugs and then all we hear is "IT BURNS IT BURNS, DO NOT DRINK THE WATER". someone had filled up a water bottle full of vodka. and amy drank it. lol i laugh every time i think about amy drinking that vodka filled water bottle. we start cleaning up its like 730am and all i want to do is just be drunk in my bed. i notice(sp) that EVERY single towel in the place has been used. as well as all the robes. the little boxes of toliettries are sprawled out across the room. i find the toothbrush one and use it. i had some kickin breath as you could bet. i go down to check out and the lady asks me how my stay was. i say to her "well mam its 730 and im still fuckin trashed and i sucessfully was kicked out of cherry and that is a dream of mine." she is giggling and tells me the amount i just hand her all the money and say it is to early to think could you count this out for me? she does and gives me my change and tells me to have a safe trip home. i tell her that i will call her in 10 mins to let her know that i got home safely she laughed again. we leave get in the car me amy trav and darlin. i reak of vodka and booze. we drop trav off. i get home dexter comes with me into my room and lays his toy on the side of me gives me the look of ashton you bitch throw my toy. i throw it never to be seen or heard from for the rest of the day. and this red rock is what you did to me on my 23rd bday and thank you because it was GREAT.
Sorry we used all the towels and robes and that the walls in room 5130 are covered in puke and the empty mini fridge is filled with beer and the sink in the bathroom is full of beer as well and that i got naked and showed everyone my new cool pasties and that i fell in the middle of cherry and spilled my drink all over the navy people cause my legs turned to noodles but you stay classy red rock!!
Indecent Shammered Smashton
ps sorry about all the misspelled words im still having trouble functioning.
Dear Blue Martini Door Man
Dear Blue Martini Door Man,
From what I can remember last friday night I know that we made you laugh while we were walking in and i know we made you laugh while we were walking out. One thing the dance floor needs to be bigger. While amy was getting her lap/up in the air dance i was fearfull for her life. I was so scared that she was going to hit someone with that dome of hers. And why in the hell do you have fully clothed male strippers in there anyway, i mean come on get naked and so the damn thing. Also, really no smoking inside? Sorry that when i get trashed i feel the need to light up anywhere and everywhere. And as for the hookahs, IM FUCKING JEALOUS!!! how long does one person have to wait to get one of those? So as im walking out friday night trashed, really not knowing how to walk at that point, texting, I personally thought that putting my beer under my arm would be a safe place for it. UNTIL you Mr. Evil Doorman made me throw away my barely been touched beer. Seriously HOW RUDE!!! Do you know how much i paid for that? Do you know how delicious it was? Do you know how good it felt to drink it? Well i fucking guess not! So what im trying to say is im sorry for texting, walking, keeping my beer in a safe place so i could drink it later but couldnt because you made me throw it away and there was no way in hell my friends were waiting for me to chug it, but thank you for keeping one less beer away from posioning myself.
Dear Mr. Doorman at Blue Martini, You fucking rock.
Smashton the Greatest
From what I can remember last friday night I know that we made you laugh while we were walking in and i know we made you laugh while we were walking out. One thing the dance floor needs to be bigger. While amy was getting her lap/up in the air dance i was fearfull for her life. I was so scared that she was going to hit someone with that dome of hers. And why in the hell do you have fully clothed male strippers in there anyway, i mean come on get naked and so the damn thing. Also, really no smoking inside? Sorry that when i get trashed i feel the need to light up anywhere and everywhere. And as for the hookahs, IM FUCKING JEALOUS!!! how long does one person have to wait to get one of those? So as im walking out friday night trashed, really not knowing how to walk at that point, texting, I personally thought that putting my beer under my arm would be a safe place for it. UNTIL you Mr. Evil Doorman made me throw away my barely been touched beer. Seriously HOW RUDE!!! Do you know how much i paid for that? Do you know how delicious it was? Do you know how good it felt to drink it? Well i fucking guess not! So what im trying to say is im sorry for texting, walking, keeping my beer in a safe place so i could drink it later but couldnt because you made me throw it away and there was no way in hell my friends were waiting for me to chug it, but thank you for keeping one less beer away from posioning myself.
Dear Mr. Doorman at Blue Martini, You fucking rock.
Smashton the Greatest
Dear Darlene
Dear Darlene,
I would just like to start off with a thank you for being an amazing friend and driving us drunkards places. and trying to keep us on our best behavior(sp). So on to the next thing, I'm sorry if i spewed a little in your car there was apparently a cop driving next to us so i couldnt get out and puke so i held it. Thank you for not judging me when i want to randomly take my pants/shoes/shirt off at random times. And thank you for putting up with Shammered Smashton, she's a whoot. I cant even keep her in line. So until the next drunken extravangaza. You stay amazing!
Love Always,
Ashton
I would just like to start off with a thank you for being an amazing friend and driving us drunkards places. and trying to keep us on our best behavior(sp). So on to the next thing, I'm sorry if i spewed a little in your car there was apparently a cop driving next to us so i couldnt get out and puke so i held it. Thank you for not judging me when i want to randomly take my pants/shoes/shirt off at random times. And thank you for putting up with Shammered Smashton, she's a whoot. I cant even keep her in line. So until the next drunken extravangaza. You stay amazing!
Love Always,
Ashton
Dear Dumbass Ex-boyfriend
Dear Dumbass Ex-boyfriend,
Just to let you know you are nothing but a low life. You think what happend 4 years ago is still going to make me love you? So sorry to burst your bubble but its what made me not love you anymore the way you acted like a child that day. Coming to where i was huffing and puffing trying to make a scene. Wow your such a big man. And now you are asking if i miss you and or still love you? Really? Really? How could anyone love a low life like you! You moved away cause you couldnt be a "big time drug dealer" here or was it because the only job you could hold was at a fucking carwash. Oh and what are you doing now, oh thats right you are working at a fucking carwash again. "I'm so hardcore cause i use to sell drugs in Vegas" is what i can hear you say right now. Well you know what, when you alone do all your drugs it kinda means that you arent making money. But really enough of your drug problems. On to other things, when you tell me that all these girls are just filling the void of "someone" not being there. Well like i said to you i really hope that you fill that void up with puppies and smiles because no girl wants to be a void filler and if you knew how to treat women right then you wouldnt have to date someone half your age who is still in high school. You are a scumbag and i would love to fly down to tenn. and just beat the living shit out of you. Maybe just beating the shit out of you would knock you smart. But for now you are making me change my number for the millionth time. Really i hope you knock this girl up so you have have little horse children together.
You stay classy Andrew, you piece of shit.
Just to let you know you are nothing but a low life. You think what happend 4 years ago is still going to make me love you? So sorry to burst your bubble but its what made me not love you anymore the way you acted like a child that day. Coming to where i was huffing and puffing trying to make a scene. Wow your such a big man. And now you are asking if i miss you and or still love you? Really? Really? How could anyone love a low life like you! You moved away cause you couldnt be a "big time drug dealer" here or was it because the only job you could hold was at a fucking carwash. Oh and what are you doing now, oh thats right you are working at a fucking carwash again. "I'm so hardcore cause i use to sell drugs in Vegas" is what i can hear you say right now. Well you know what, when you alone do all your drugs it kinda means that you arent making money. But really enough of your drug problems. On to other things, when you tell me that all these girls are just filling the void of "someone" not being there. Well like i said to you i really hope that you fill that void up with puppies and smiles because no girl wants to be a void filler and if you knew how to treat women right then you wouldnt have to date someone half your age who is still in high school. You are a scumbag and i would love to fly down to tenn. and just beat the living shit out of you. Maybe just beating the shit out of you would knock you smart. But for now you are making me change my number for the millionth time. Really i hope you knock this girl up so you have have little horse children together.
You stay classy Andrew, you piece of shit.
Dear Mirage
Dear Mirage,
This past weekend was a great one! And i must saw how nice your valet is. Unless you are pulled over dropping people off and puking. But it was still nice. and as for the limo that "was" door dingged and had scratches all over it, Amy/we have no idea what you are even talking about. So thank you for allowing me to vomit in your valet annnnnd see what it was like to have cab/limo/cars driving towards me!! You stay classy Mirage..
Yours Truly,
Shammered Smashton
This past weekend was a great one! And i must saw how nice your valet is. Unless you are pulled over dropping people off and puking. But it was still nice. and as for the limo that "was" door dingged and had scratches all over it, Amy/we have no idea what you are even talking about. So thank you for allowing me to vomit in your valet annnnnd see what it was like to have cab/limo/cars driving towards me!! You stay classy Mirage..
Yours Truly,
Shammered Smashton
Dearest Lowes
Dearest Lowes,
Sometime early saturday morning we had to stop in your parking lot. It was very clean by the way. Why we stopped so i could throw up. I had a horrible case of the "brown bottle" flu. While we were there another friend had to pee. So i just wanted to write you and say THANK YOU for allowing us to use your clean but by that time dirty parking lot. So thank you and keep lowes prices at their lowest. I may need tools one day!
Yours truly,
Smashton
Sometime early saturday morning we had to stop in your parking lot. It was very clean by the way. Why we stopped so i could throw up. I had a horrible case of the "brown bottle" flu. While we were there another friend had to pee. So i just wanted to write you and say THANK YOU for allowing us to use your clean but by that time dirty parking lot. So thank you and keep lowes prices at their lowest. I may need tools one day!
Yours truly,
Smashton
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